have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
