Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just want to make out with him forever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
