She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
