So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
