Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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