Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
