Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
