Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
