I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
