WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
