Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
