I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
