ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
