Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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