He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
