and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
