I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
