I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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