Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
