My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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