He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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