Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
