oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
