I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize