my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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