Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize