Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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