a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
