My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize