Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
