you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
