just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sarcasm needs its own font
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
