I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
