So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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