Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize