I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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