I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
