Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
