I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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