I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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