either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
