But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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