i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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