Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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