Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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