Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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