he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize