After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
