I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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