This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
