Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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