theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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