never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
