The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
