No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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