Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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