so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
