he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
