You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
