i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
