I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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