I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
