i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
