If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
