you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
