There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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